


Confession

by ShadowBiscuit



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Monologue, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-10 00:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5561761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowBiscuit/pseuds/ShadowBiscuit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just something short I felt like writing. </p><p>The only time Sam gets to say it out loud, the only time he gets to voice his feelings for Dean is when the man isn't there to hear him. And that's exactly how Sam wants it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confession

"I love you," he said into the breeze, to the sky, to nothing. "I love how strong you are. I love how weak you are. I love it when you care, and ever when you don't. I love it when you smile...and even when you cry. They say your body is a temple and you should treat it like one, and even if you wouldn't, I'd worship it for you. You drown it in junk food, with all that's unhealthy for you, wash it down with alcohol because you don't care, because why not enjoy whatever you can in this repulsive world, while you can? But it refuses, stays as gorgeous as the first day I saw it, because it's a survivor, just like you. Every inch of you is perfect, the flawed is flawless in my eyes. To me, you could never be hideous, neither inside nor out. Your bowed legs, they're beautiful. Every single one of your scars, they're beautiful. Your damaged heart is beautiful. I want to kiss them all; kiss along your firm back that's never hunched, with which you always stand tall and fierce, even when all hope seems to be lost; kiss your hands that held so many weapons and caused so much death, took and saved countless amounts of lives, hands from which you can never really wash away the memory of all that blood; kiss your legs that might shake and bend, but never give out; kiss every freckle on your toned chest and handsome face. A face with crow's feet that never ruined your charm, merely augmented it, with eyes so green that if one looks close enough, they could see a whole forest in those orbs, with row upon row of pine trees in them. A face with lips plump and pink, soft-looking and kissable, so tempting you have no idea how many times I've had to force myself not to lean forward, to close that permanent distance between us and feel your lips against mine, to just get lost in them.

 

"You've seen so much, been through more than anyone has, suffered more losses than someone as great as you ever should, and yet you're still here. You still wake up every morning and I always thank anyone who might be listening, thank God even if he has given up on us and this world, because I don't know what I'd do without you. You're my brother, my partner. My friend, my family. You're a piece of me that I'd never be able to let go of, no matter the circumstances, no matter what I might say. We fight, we make up, over and over again. We lie and betray, and it hurts, but I still love you. You bury everything inside, don't let them out, never, and instead pretend that you've got it in you to keep going for another day even though you don't, even though you're tired of the monsters and the constant evil. But I still love you. You don't talk about your feelings, don't tell me what's most important, what I'd need to know most—that you're hurting, that the pile of dark crap you've been shoving down into the abyss of your mind is piling up and spilling, that you want to turn back into a demon because at least then you didn't have to feel anything. You keep all of that in, hide it behind a crude joke and a witty comment, a smile that fades too quickly; but I still love you. You can be selfish in your ways, think you are doing the right thing, making the right decisions when really, it's just your fear of being left alone telling you to save me. I won't let you die, and in return you won't let me die, but as soon as we're dead, none of us want to come back to this life. None of us want to face the ugly it has to offer again, even if it means leaving the other behind. So I drag you back, so you drag me back and make me suffer through this all over again, make deals with angels and demons, fuck the consequences, make it even more impossible for me to be normal by cheating death time and time again, and I don't want to come back, I want you but not in this world, I don't want to keep hunting but you still force it on me and it's all so repetitive, always fighting, always dying, always living for dying... But I still love you.

 

"I love you more than I should, I love you more than I love death and peace and quiet, I love you more than I'll ever love an ordinary life, so I come back. So I do what I have to, I follow you everywhere and push on just like you do. We're both suffering inside, we both just want this to be over, but the world is full of monsters and we are hunters, this is our job, our legacy, and we're stuck in a rut we cannot ever escape from, not even by death. But in a way, even that's worth it, because I have you by my side. In sickness and in health, in tears and in laughter, to love and to cherish, just like a marriage, but so much more, and even though I'll never come to enjoy this life, I can survive it. I can and I will, I know I will, because I have you. Because I love it that you're strong, as that means you're still here and not giving up yet. Because I love it that you're weak, as that means you're still human, that you haven't become dull and emotionless, that the pain of others still moves you and speaks to your empathy. Because I love it that you still care about others, that you can still find it in your heart to care, and even when you don't, since that means you still know how to give up, know how to feel defeat, that you can protect your heart from more pain. Because I love it when you smile, as that means you still find happiness in this world, that you're still capable of feeling something positive amidst all that negative. Because I love it when you cry...and they're never fake tears. They come from the heart, a heart that comes with a soul, a soul that comes with feelings and emotions, love and hate, and pain, all the pain that makes us human. Because I love you, you and all of you, everything about you, all that you have and all that you don't, your voice, your laugh, your stupid jokes, your protectiveness, your everything. I love you, Dean, forever and a day. I love you... Even if you will never love me back."


End file.
